Category: People

How to Handle an Offender (Proverbs 24:29)

1.0 The Statement

Everyone is plagued in some way by people who dislike or even hate us for one reason or another; sometimes we “make” Offenders; we alienate or offend people and they become our “Adversaries.” Their dislike may or may not be justified. Sometime people simply dislike us for no apparent reason. They may be threatened by us, differ with what we believe or have what it commonly referred to as a “personality clash.” Unwilling to live and let live, they are antagonistic toward us; they choose to live “at war” with us, sometimes overly attacking, other times waging cold war of criticism or manipulation.

There are different kinds of Offenders who assail us in various ways; but no matter how they come packaged, they are hard to cope with. And because we do not know how to handle them or our feelings about them (they make us angry, and we hit back). We let them inflict needless pain and stress on us. As they affect our live, we want to retaliate, thereby intensifying the problem.

The Book of Proverbs contains sound advise on how to handle “Offenders,” which indicates God knows we would have them. They are a part of life, an outgrowth of our basic sin nature. We cannot avoid them, but we can eliminate the influence they exert over us.

1.1 Never Seek Revenge

First, never seek revenge; we must be honest enough to admit we want to “get” at our Offenders; that we want revenge. We want to defend ourselves against further attack, hurt them back, get even and retaliate. God knows this will be our reaction:

1.1.1 God Warns

Proverbs 24:29 (KJV) “Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.” God warns us against seeking revenge because “vengeance belongs to the LORD, and He will repay it” (Romans 12:19b). If we take action into our own hands, we have step into the place of God and seek vengeance upon our Offender. What will become of us if God should render to us according to our evil works?

We need mercy at God’s hand, and shall we render nothing but rigid justice to our fellow men in direct opposition to God’s Royal Law of Love? When we revenge injuries at our own discretion, we may do hurt to our Offenders, but we do much greater hurt to ourselves; for the punishment of malice and revenge to which we expose ourselves is far worse than any vengeance which our feeble arm can inflict.

Let us therefore show ourselves to be the Disciples of Christ by loving our Offenders and recompensing evil with good. Thus, we shall “heap coals of fire upon the head of our enemies (Offenders)” (Romans 12:20-21) but following an opposite course, we heap them on our own to our destruction.

“Heap burning coals on the head” means to give a burning sense of shame. In Egyptian ritual a man purged his offence by carrying on his head a dish containing burning coal on a bed of ashes. The verse quoted is Proverbs 25:21 (LXX) but omitting the closing words and the LORD shall rewards thee. Treat our Offender kindly; this may soften his hard heart and take away his evil disposition. The best way to get rid of an Offender is to turn him into a friend (Bruce). Therefore, let good triumph over evil. 

1.1.2 God Commands

Proverbs 20:22a “Say not thou, I will recompense (repay) evil.” God commands that we must not pay evil for evil. If private revenge is allowed, it would soon fill the Land with confusion and blood. By indulging in revenge, we would be driven on to make very disproportionable returns for the wrongs done to us.

We might wreak our vengeance on the blameless as David would have done if Abigail had not disarmed his fury. We might bring upon ourselves the guilt that make ourselves miserable, in regret all the remainder of our days.

Most wisely, therefore, and graciously we are forbidden to avenge ourselves, or so much as to say that we will do it. It is a bad thing to have any thought of revenge, but if we say, or swear, that we will take satisfaction at our own hand from him who has offended us, we are entangled in a dangerous snare of the Devil who will endeavour to persuade us that our honour is doubly engaged by the provocation received, and by our word to take revenge. God, who is Perfect Justice, can handle the wrongs we suffer but we are not. Reprisal will only make things worse, so we are told not to wage any counterattacks against our Offenders.

1.1.3 Wait on the Lord

Proverbs 20:22b “But wait for the LORD.” If we suffer the wrongs done to our credit and estate to pass not taking revenge, says one person, I expose myself to every shaft of malice, and may expect still greater injuries than those I have already received. There is no fear for that because the LORD commanded us to wait for Him. We do not like to wait but demand immediate justice, instant vindication. But God commands us to wait on Him because:

  • God Promises DeliveranceProverbs 20:22cAnd He shall save (deliver) thee” – The LORD promises to deliver. We are not able deliver ourselves or save ourselves from those who have offended us.  However, if we wait on the LORD, He promises to deliver us from those who have offended us. We must forget about who have offended us and concentrate on our relationship with the LORD. When we obey, when we do what He asks us, we have victory, and the LORD is free to deal with those who have offended us without any interference from us. 
  • God Promises PeaceProverbs 16:7 “When a man’s ways please the LORD, He maketh even his enemies (Offenders) to be at peace with him.” God promises “peace” from those who have offended us –We cannot make our Offenders to be at peace with us, but God can when we relinquish control of our Offenders to Him. 

1.1.4 Control Our Emotions

Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirreth up strifes, but love covereth all sins.” Hatred does not harm our Offenders; it debilitates us. We must also control our emotions toward those who dislike us and whom we dislike. It is normal to hate someone who is making our life miserable; who does us an injustice, lies about us, hurts our feelings, or misjudged us; who undermines us to others or manipulates to put us in a bad light – Offenders do all those things and more. But no matter what our Offenders do to us we must not hate them. If we hate our Offenders, we are letting them make us to sin because Proverbs 14:21“He who despises his neighbour sins”

1.1.5 Control Our Actions

Proverbs 25:8 “Go not forth hastily to strive, lest that know not what to do in the end thereof, when thy neighbour hath put thee to shame.” In dealing with our Offenders, we must squelch our inclination to overact; we need to control our actions as well as our feeling. If we wage a verbal battle against an Offender, when the time comes for us to present a legitimate argument, no one will listen, and we will be embarrassed.

1.1.6 Minister to Our Enemies

Proverbs 25:21,22 “If your enemy (Offender) is hungry, give him food to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.” Instead of retaliating, hating, or railing against our Offenders, we are to minister to them; to do whatever we can to assist them because God will reward us: Difficult it may be to put into practice, we should serve our Offenders. We hurt ourselves if we fight with them; we will be blessed if we minister to them.  Our Lord Jesus Christ presented this same truth when He taught: Matthew 5:39, 44 “Do not resist him who is evil; but whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also….Love your enemies (Offenders), and pray for those who persecute you.” The message is clear, we are never relieved of our moral responsibilities because of the way the Offender treats us. There are no limits on God’s Love and there must be no restrictions on ours. That is why God’s Word admonishes us to maintain a loving, compassionate attitude toward our Offenders, even when God deals with them on our behalf.

1.1.7 Do Not Rejoice

Proverbs 24:17-18 “Rejoice not when thine enemy (Offender) falleth and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth. Lest the LORD see it, and it displease Him, and He turn away his wrath from him (our Offender).” The LORD commanded us not to rejoice when our Offender Falls; and do not let our heart be glad when our Offender Stumbles. This is a hard instruction. It is difficult not to cheer and clap our hands and dance around the place when our Offender Falls. Hard not to laugh and be glad inside because he finally got what was coming to him.

  • Reason – Proverbs 24:18Lest the LORD see it, and it displease Him, and He turn away his wrath from him (our Offender).” But gloating when an Offender Falls or Stumbles displeases the LORD, and He may back off when He is intervening for our behalf and benefits. If we rejoice not, the LORD will continue to deal our Offenders, otherwise He will spare them. Difficult as it may seem, all rules of Christian conduct apply in our dealings with our Offenders, and when we follow the LORD’s Word, we will have victory over our Offenders.
  • Warning – Proverbs 17:5b “He that is glad at calamities shall not be unpunished.” If we rejoice over the sudden misfortune of our Offenders, we are mocking the God who has providentially visited upon them their affliction.

Four Types of People (Proverbs 18:1-4) (Part 2)

The Wicked People

Proverbs 18:3 “When the Wicked cometh, then cometh also contempt and, with ignominy (humiliation), reproach (criticism).” (NIV) “When Wickedness comes, so does contempt, and with shame comes disgrace.” – Wicked Person keeps miserable company of: “Contempt {shame}, ignominy {humiliation}, and reproach {scandal}.

The two lines of Proverbs are arranged synthetically, the three term (contempt {shame}, ignominy {humiliation}, reproach {scandal}) telescoping out in a description of the ever-increasing ignominy {humiliation} that befalls the “Wicked-Person.

  • Wickedness brings “contempt” (shame).
  • Wickedness leads to “ignominy” (humiliation).
  • Wickedness leads to “reproach” (scandal).

When the Wicked Person comes, all these evils (contempt {shame}, ignominy {humiliation}, reproach {scandal}) followed him (Perowne). Wickedness is both a contemptible (disgraceful) and a contemptuous (scornful) thing (Thomas). Wickedness brings with it “contempt” {shame}, “ignominy” {humiliation} and “reproach” {scandal}.

Pride and Selfishness are the characteristic of the Wicked, as the Wicked Person comes, he is apt to cast contempt (shame), ignominy (humiliation) and reproach (scandal) on every man’s face (Bishop Hall). His neighbour’s circumstances or illnesses provides him with an opportunity to ridicule (mock) his (Wicked) neighbour; and God’s Word finds no favour in his (Wicked Person’s) sight. God’s people are the object of his (Wicked) contempt.

When the Wicked Person comes, he is accompanied by “contempt” (buz). The attitude of contempt characterizes the Wicked Person, we may say that “contempt” is with him wherever he goes. “Ignominy” (qalon – humiliation) parallels “wicked,” indicating that the Wicked Person is the Person without grace, thus, bringing humiliation to himself. He is accompanied by “reproach” (herep – scandal), the lack of honour that he directs toward those who are around him.

The Wise Man

Proverbs 18:4 (KJV) “The words of a man’s mouth are like deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom like a flowing brook.” (NIV) “The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters, but the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.” –  The description of the Wise-man of Proverbs 18:4 expresses the depth, the abundance, the clearness, and the force of the thoughts of the Wise-man, which is “the spring of life,” honest and revealing truth:

  • The “wellspring of wisdom” is parallel to the “deep waters.” – that is, there is “depth” in the Wise-Person thoughts and attitude, and the things he does
  • The Wise Person is full of useful things and is always able to contribute profitably on many matters. His deep insight (“deep waters”) is drawn from “the Fountain of Living Water” – John 7:38-39 “He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of Living Waters……of the Holy Spirit”
  • The Wise-Person’s Word flows like a spring brook, clear, clean, and cleansing that edify, exhort, and comfort, and encourage and refresh the Hearers.  
  • When the Person has immersed himself in God’s Wisdom, his words in themselves deep waters, and as he speaks, he become a fruitful as “a bubbling brook.”   This is a picturesque description of the value of wisdom.

The parallelism requires that the “words of a man’s mouth” be wise words. These are “deep-waters” (Proverbs 20:5), profound and providing an inexhaustible supply of counsel and blessing. Verse 4b explains verse 4a, the “Well-spring” (or “Fountain”) of Wisdom “being an emblematic (symbolic) portrayed of wise speech. This is “a bubbling brook,” a limitless source of God’s Wisdom. 

Four Types of People (Proverbs 18:1-4) (Part 1)

The Statement

Proverbs Chapter 18 has no single theme, but underlying it is the whole subject of the Character and Conduct of the Wise. No Person can get far in life before coming up against the issues touched on in Proverbs Chapter 18: Companionship, Depravity, Words, Fairness, Security. There are some profound observations on these points:

The Conceited Person –

Proverbs 18:1 (KJV) “Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom.” (NIV) “An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defiles all sound judgement.” The Phrase: “one who separates himself?” (KJV) refers to dividing people. Thus, Proverbs 18:1 has been taken both in a negative sense and in a positive sense (Matthew Henry) – The negative sense, however, fits the text of Proverbs 18:1, better (Matthew Henry).

  • Conceited – Proverbs 18:1, taken in the right context, speaks of the Person who is conceited and a lone-Ranger, the anti-social Individualist, who will not listen to others. The Conceited Person finds his identity in his non-conformity and obstinately sets himself apart, independently, from those around him. In simple term, the Conceited Person is a Selfish-Person, all this thoughts and actions lead to himself. He measures everything by his thoughts and his wishes, his comfort, his perspective.
  • Quarrelsome – The word “intermeddleth” (KJV, “Gala” {Proverbs 17:14}) is better translated “quarrel.” Conceited Person “quarrels” against all sound wisdom. The word “intermeddleth” comes from a root meaning: “To show one’s teeth” or “to break forth in hostilities.” – This root “quarrel {intermeddleth}” is found three times in the Book of Proverbs (Proverbs 17:14 {starting quarrel, NIV}; Proverbs 18:1 {intermeddleth = quarrel, KJV}; Proverbs 20:3 {quick to quarrel, NIV}). Fierce independence snarls and growls at all attempts from others to counsel or guide him. In the end, the doggedly self-willed Conceited Person may get “his desire,” but lose “sound wisdom.” Conceited Person forfeited God’s treasure of Wisdom.  
  • Sound-Wisdom – Conceited Person lacks sound wisdom. The term “sound-wisdom” has the idea of “sound-judgement” and that which flows from it, that is, abiding success in the practical affairs of life – Proverbs 2:7a “He (God) stores up sound wisdom for the upright.”
  • Isolationist – The Conceited Person is “a quarrelsome Isolationist.” (Perowne) opts for the RV rendering where “desire” is taken to mean “his own self-indulgent” desire.
  • Versions we consulted have followed this lead. The Conceited Person is “a boorish {rude} irresponsibility” (Perowne).

Versions give “rages against quarrels with, or shows contempt,” and say it is about “the evil of isolation,” showing forth “a self-conceited, hair-brained Person seeking to satisfy his fancy” (Schultens). The Conceited Person who separates himself from conventional wisdom, following his own self desires, puts himself in the position of warring against sound wisdom. Proverbs 18:1 warns against headstrong, self-centred decision (“Zockler, pg.166). As Proverbs 15:22 says, “a multitude of Counsellors” help to establish the Individual’s Plan.

The Foolish Person

Proverbs 18:2 (KJV) “A Fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.” (NIV) “A Fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinion.” This antithetical (adversative) Proverbs (Proverbs 18:2), The Fool is not intellectual deficient but attitudinal deficient. Thus, a Fool lays bare the unteachable, and arrogant Person (Fool).

  • The first line Proverbs 18:2a, makes its point by stating the opposite – “A Fool hath no delight in understanding” (Proverbs 18:2a) – that is, he despises understanding – that is, the Fool has no interest in listening or learning.
  • The second line, Proverbs 18:2b reveals, the Fool only interest is to expose what is on his mind – “But delights in airing his own opinion.” (NIV). The root of the verb “revealing” (discover) mean to uncover, to reveal, to be away or to go away. The form shown here is found only one other time in the O.T. in Genesis 9:21, where Noah got drunk and uncovered himself, sleeping naked in his tent.

Thus, it would not be a stretch to understand that the Fool of Proverbs 18:2, is descriptive of the Person (Fool) who has the tendency of an exhibitionist = show-off – the Fool, to his own shame, of his thoughts, opinions, musings, and vaunted (overhyped) insights. As a Fool, he lives in a delusional world of his own making.

The Book of Proverbs has often underscored the inability of the Fool to constrain his speech, and thus, his tendency to make public display of his Folly:

  • Proverbs 12:23b “The heart of the Fools proclaim s foolishness.”
  • Proverbs 13:16b “But a Fool lays open his folly.”
  • Proverbs 15:2b “But the mouth of the Fools pours forth foolishness.”   

Proverbs teaches that “He who restrains his words has knowledge…Even a Fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is counted prudent” (Proverbs 17:27a, 28). However, the Foolish Person has “a close mind but open mouth” in which he puts both feet, thus discovering, exposing his heart, pouring out his ignorance.

  • The disposition of the Fool is entirely opposite to that of the Wise-Person, for he has no pleasure in understanding – Proverbs 18:2a “A Fool hath no delight in understanding.”
  • The Foolish Person does not “delight” (hapes) in those matter that will give him greater understanding of life. The word “hapes” describes a deep emotional involvement, as his whole desire is to pour out his own frivolity {triviality}.

The Fool’s antipathy {opposition} toward understanding, then, comes from his emotional preoccupation with less important matters (trivialities). Fool has no concern for wisdom. In particular, he concerns himself “that his heart may discover itself.” = He wants to reveal his own opinions. His own thoughts are all more important to him that others’ views. – Proverbs 18:13 (KJV) “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” (NIV) “He who answers before listening – that is folly and his shame.”  

Stay Tuned….. To be continued